This month I have the honor to introduce you to a fellow Minnesotan and Marriage and Family Therapist; Melissa (Kucharski) Johnson, MA, LMFT. I met Melissa through one of my aunts who connected us in 2018 to chat before Melissa launched her website and blog; www.impossible-beauty.com.
As you will read in the interview below, Melissa has a lot going on. I wanted to invite her to share how she decided to take on another project and how she avoids overwhelm in the midst of it all.
1. Please introduce yourself to the readers and tell us a little about the work that you do.
I am a Marriage and Family Therapist, spiritual director, and adjunct professor at Bethel University. Though these are all vocational pursuits that I love and feel drawn to, I am currently teaching at Bethel and pursuing a new adventure in writing as well.
This past fall, I started a website/blog called impossible-beauty.com . Having seen how damaging and depleting our cultural narratives are regarding beauty, I am seeking to re-define beauty as “the life of God at work in us and around us,” exploring what authentic beauty is, what it is not, and how we go about finding beauty in a broken world. I do that by writing blog articles and also doing interviews in a series I call the Mentor Series. I believe that in order to re-define beauty, we have to also re-define our mentors for beauty. Thus, in the Mentor Series I interview women who exude internal and eternal beauty, versus more stereotypical cultural mentors for beauty, based on a perfectionist aesthetic ideal.
2. What inspired you to start discussing (and writing) about how society views beauty?
In my own personal life I have come to see how unhelpful and dis-integrating it is for me in my overall personal and relational wellbeing when I am buying into cultural narratives around beauty. I have also known adolescent and adult women both personally and professionally whose self-esteem and mental health have taken a nosedive, as they believe they don’t measure up to cultural aesthetic standards for beauty.
Also, having toddler-aged nieces, it breaks my heart to envision these beautiful young girls (and those like them) disliking themselves or experiencing any internal pain because they feel they don’t “measure up” to some empty beauty standard.
All of this to say, I have seen how cultural beauty standards negatively impact the wellbeing of women on every level, including the level of the soul. I desire to change the narrative around beauty for women because the old one is doing damage and authentic beauty is so much bigger than the brand we are being sold.
3. As a therapist, what were the factors that you considered before beginning to blog?
I definitely wondered if there would be any conflicts with my therapy licensure. I wanted to be certain that my blogging was not being seen as therapeutic advice or anything like that. So far, I think it’s clear that my blogging is more opinion-based and general thoughts on these topics, versus giving any specific therapeutic advice. So far, it does seem like I can have a foot in both worlds, blogging and therapy.
5. Did you encounter any unique challenges as you began blogging and how did you work through those challenges?
I think the most significant challenge I have experienced with blogging is in terms of content. I actually wrote a manuscript over the past year on these topics and am working to find a fitting publishing home. So, it’s been a bit tricky to talk about some of these same topics, but not “give away” too much from the book. This is actually a challenge I continue to work through.
6. What types of doubt and fears have you encountered in your career and how have you addressed them?
This is a great question, and as a six on the Enneagram, I certainly have had my share of doubt and fears. Perhaps the biggest fears have been “can I really do this?” as in “do I really have what it takes?” (a.k.a. skill, experience, knowledge). Another common doubt/fear is “am I really actually making a difference/helping people?” Interestingly enough, I think that those fears have been true in my practice as a therapist and in this new blogging endeavor.
7. How do you personally manage overwhelm when working on multiple projects?
The simple answer to that would be to try to prioritize. Essentially, focusing on what needs to get done first and start there. So, taking it one thing at a time, living in the present moment, and also figuring out what is of highest priority.
What’s also been helpful is to somewhat regularly check in on the mix of multiple projects I am doing and seeing if it’s still working. Do I still find all of the projects life-giving and, also, is that balance of projects doable for this season of life? If it seems that there is a consistent theme of overwhelm, perhaps it is time to reconsider my current mix of projects or the time I am allotting for each project.
8. How do you approach your work and self care in order to avoid becoming burnt out or depleted?
I am learning all the time, the importance of play and downtime. Honestly, I am not great at always remembering to do those things, but it is definitely something I am working on. I think it’s in those moments of rest that I am able to recalibrate, focus on my connection with God, and also evaluate what is bringing life and what is life-depleting? In those moments of rest, I find restoration and also redirection at times. I am also trying to integrate creativity and play more and more. I think often times both of those things are not seen as “productive” in our fast-paced culture; however, I think both are so needed in nurturing the vitality of the soul.
9. If you could go back in time, what tip or advice would you share with yourself at the beginning of your career?
I think I would tell myself to hang in there, trust the process, follow my gut, and remember to have fun. I have a long history of over-worrying, second-guessing myself, and being a bit serious. Looking back over the short span of my vocational pursuits thus far, I can slowly start to see how God is bringing my experiences, my pain and struggles, my passions, and education together in my professional journey. I am slowly learning to do what I can and then trust God with the rest.
Thank you so much to Melissa for sharing her thoughts and experiences as she has learned how to balance a variety of professional interests in a way that works for her!
You can connect with Melissa on Instagram here.
I’m curious to know what resonated for you most from the interview with Melissa? Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below.
Take Care,
Sarah