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Vibrant Therapist Spotlight: Megan Bearce, LMFT

Our fourth Vibrant Therapist Spotlight features a fellow Minnesotan, Megan Bearce.   As you may know by now, The Vibrant Therapist Spotlight highlights interviews with therapists from across the world who are taking actions consistent with those of a vibrant therapist and Megan represents a vibrant therapist well. Megan has incorporated her personal experience as part of a super commuter couple into her work as a therapist and has authored a book on the subject. When Megan realized she was becoming too overwhelmed with the obligations of her practice, promoting her book and caring for her family, she made the decision to take a sabbatical.

Please introduce yourself to the readers and tell us a little about the work that you do.

My name is Megan Bearce and I am a LMFT. I have been working with clients since 2002 and am also a speaker and author. In my private practice I see a variety of clients, but I specialize in supporting overwhelmed women and super commuter couples.

Can you tell us a little bit about the process you went through in deciding to focus on super commuter couples and eventually write a book about the subject?

We moved back to Minnesota from California in late 2009. About a year later, my husband was offered his dream job….in NYC. We had purchased a house, my family was here, I had gotten re-licensed in MN and the economy was still shaky so there were many reasons not to pick up and move again to one of most expensive cities in the country. He knew some people who super commuted and so we decided to give a try for a year.

Around that same time I was having more and more clients talk about the stress of having a spouse who was frequently away due to business travel.

About 6 months into the commute we were on a date and I was sharing how I thought I’d start blogging as a way to increase my platform. He suggested I blog about the super commute. I sat down to write a post and it was 11 pages long! I realized I had a lot to say and that I wasn’t sure how I was going to juggle life with two young kids and him gone M-F every week. I started asking around to see if other people were doing this and also put the word out on social media and I had a huge response from people across the US, Costa Rica, and South Africa.

It was interesting also because people would hear what we were doing and have one of three responses- How do you do that? I know someone who does that! Or why would you do that to your family? I felt like I was onto something and so I sent out questionnaires to the participants and then did a follow up interview and organically the book started taking shape. I was also very fortunate to be able to meet with Dr. Pauline Boss, the expert on ambiguous loss, and with her permission, applied her guidelines for navigating ambiguous loss to those families where one partner is frequently away from home whether due to a military deployment, long commute, or business travel. That chapter is particularly helpful for therapists who are working with these clients, whether as a couple or individually. 

Note: If you are a Minnesota based therapist dreaming of writing your own book, Megan will be offering a course called Writing for Therapists:  Expanding your Knowledge and Visibility in the Field of Mental Health this spring.    Click here to learn more and register for Megan’s upcoming course.

What types of doubt and fears have you encountered in your career and how have you addressed them?

As a recovering perfectionist, I deal with doubt and fear all of the time. I didn’t know the first thing about writing a book let alone creating a publishing company, but it was something I was excited about and so I channeled that into curiosity. Over the years I have gotten very comfortable asking for help and researching resources and so not needing to “know it all” takes a lot of the pressure off. It was a little scary to put a book out that shares your own struggles, especially in the world of therapy that is still very much about keeping your life private, but the feedback I’ve gotten from people reassured me that it was a good choice. Many readers have commented how they thought they were the only ones that felt the things I share in the book and so it was a great opportunity for others to feel validated and less alone. It was also overwhelming to move back to MN and have to start from scratch re-building a private practice without a network of fellow students or former co-workers, but I began reaching out and networking and have met some amazing people in the process!

How do you personally manage overwhelm when working on multiple projects?

I have a running “to do” list, use a planner, and try to do the things I dislike the most, first. I work best in the morning so I try to tackle the harder projects then and set up meetings for the afternoons. And, I see if there is anything I can have someone help me with. Even my kids get in on the action. I recently realized I needed to check all the links on my websites and my 8 year old was thrilled to do it for me.

How do you approach your work and self care in order to avoid becoming burnt out or depleted?

I take a yoga class once or twice a week, walk our dogs, go to bed early, and I make sure I eat well. I’ve learned to say no to things and pay attention to if I’m stressing myself out with arbitrary deadlines. Do I really need to squeeze that one last thing in? I love to travel and eat at great restaurants so those two things are built into my life on a regular basis.

A big step I took towards self care was deciding to go on sabbatical awhile back. Juggling work, the book marketing, and solo parenting Monday through Friday was becoming overwhelming and I felt like it was a good time to take a break. I wanted to use the time to recharge, see if I was ready to start writing my next book, this one on the topic of perfectionism, and spend more time with my kids. It was a little scary to stop, but I have continued to meet with my consultation group, take CEU courses, and speak and write on various mental health topics, so I haven’t fully stopped.

The break has allowed me to expand my network and pursue some work opportunities that I don’t think I would’ve had the bandwidth for had I not. I don’t regret it and the fact that one can be a therapist for years and years was one of the reasons I chose this profession. It felt like perfect timing to practice what I preach.

If you could go back in time, what tip or advice with you share with yourself at the beginning of your career?

Sometimes I think I should have gotten a masters degree in social work instead of clinical psychology as I think there are more job opportunities with that license, but I thought I solely wanted to be in private practice and I had an interest in psychology and loved my program at Antioch so the choice I made makes sense. I so appreciate the variety of experiences I had as an intern and the range of supervision styles I trained under so I would do those things exactly the same. All of those experiences left me well prepared to start a private practice internship and ultimately my own practice once I was licensed in 2005.

Want to know more about Megan?

Megan Bearce, LMFT, is a licensed marriage and family therapist and the author of Super Commuter Couples: Staying Together When a Job Keeps You Apart, a Midwest Book Awards silver medalist. Ms. Bearce is a sought-after speaker and writer on topics including workplace trends and families, perfectionism, and women’s issues and has been interviewed as an expert on the super commuting phenomenon by publications including the BBC, Forbes, Market Watch, Profiles in Diversity Journal, CBS Evening News, Today, Huff Post Live, and US News & World Report.  Learn more about Megan by visiting http://meganbearce.com/

Thank you, Megan for being a part of The Vibrant Therapist Spotlight.  I loved Megan’s stories and specific examples and hope you find them as inspiring as I do!

Take Care,
Sarah

P.S.  Who should I feature next month?   Please feel free to send me suggestions for upcoming posts in The Vibrant Therapist Spotlight series.  You can reach me at sarah@sarahleitschuhcounseling.com.

 

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