I am really intrigued about how our roles outside of the therapy office affect our work. I have written before about how becoming a mother was a pivotal moment for me in my practice as a mental health provider. My work has changed significantly as I took on that new role outside of being a therapist. This is something that I am generally mindful of observing and reflecting on. Yet this week, I was reminded somewhat unexpectedly of how my role as a mother can influence my work inside the therapy office.
If you follow my Counseling blog, some of you may be aware that this year I sent my oldest child to kindergarten. This happened literally 3 days ago. It is still very fresh and an ongoing adjustment. As I took some time to reflect today, I realized that this transition affected my work as a therapist and supervisor more than I anticipated. I had done lots of work to prepare myself and my family for this milestone and on a personal level I think that preparation paid off and things went fairly smoothly on the home front. What I didn’t anticipate was the affect on me as a professional during these few days.
As many parents probably do, I struggled a lot about whether I should work the first day of school or not. I ultimately decided that I would. I blocked off my morning sessions to allow myself to process whatever emotions I would experience as a mother who just sent her child off to Kindergarten. I also worked a shorter day, so I could spend that evening with my family. All of that sounds good, but I struggled that first day and honestly have had to put much more energy into staying present with my clients this week than I normally do. I have been a tired and anxious mom. I could feel that within the therapy office. Being able to stay present with our clients is such an important part of the work we do as mental health providers. I am experienced enough to be able to shift my focus back to the client when I get distracted and I don’t think a single client would have thought I was struggling this week, but it definitely makes being a therapist harder when you have to work hard to be fully present. And this is not the first time worry about my children has caused me to have difficulty staying present. Thus, a role outside of the office that influences my work within the office. I am not beating myself up about this, but rather observing it, being mindful about it, and considering if there is anything I want to do differently in the future.
Enough of the back story, here are the reminders or lessons I have learned so far about being a therapist while also being Mama to a kindergartner:
- Boundaries and relationships need to continually be re-assessed. This reminder came last spring as we started to do the preparations for kindergarten. I live relatively close to my office location. Generally this is not too much of an issue and I rarely encounter clients or superviees outside of session and we always discuss how this can be handled if it occurs. Yet, having my child attend a large school in the same area as my office means the increased possibility of running into clients or supervisees who have a connection to that school. So, over the late spring and summer months I have been having more in depth conversations with clients and supervisees about boundaries and relationships.
- Therapists are human, too. We are allowed to have emotions and lives outside of the therapy office. We simply need to be mindful of if our outside world is impacting our work and how it is doing so, in order to determine if we need to make any changes.
- Mental health providers need to practice self-compassion, too. I’ve really got nothing more to say about this one. It’s pretty clear and we all know we need to be working on this.
- Being a parent of a school aged child offers another level of connection to my therapy clients. I never really thought about how the first day of school is such a universal experience for parents of school aged children. I work with many mothers and every one of them was talking about the transition back to school this week. Several asked about if I had sent a child to school this week, in a very appropriate way, and it seemed to be a point of connection to acknowledge that I had. My clients felt that I could “get” that experience. And I think that my experiences with my child over this school year will help me better understand other parents’ experiences and make me a better therapist.
I may have more thoughts to add to this post later, but this is what I have for now. I never knew how much sending a child off to kindergarten would affect my work. It’ll get easier as the weeks go on.
What lessons have you learned when you slow down to observe how your roles inside and outside of the therapy office affect each other? How has being a therapist shifted for you when you take on a new role? Feel free to share your reflections below.
Sarah